My Slave Heart Doesn't Understand...

Most everybody has seen the spreadsheet that a husband sent to his wife about their lack of sex.



There is much debate about who is right and wrong and what is the problem. You are probably wondering "What does this have to do with a Master/slave relationship"?

In (most) M/s relationships, this would never happen. There are a couple reasons for this.

1- From the "M" side of a relationship if s/he wants sex. They have sex. There is none of this bologna and excuses to why the don't want to. They say... slave does - hopefully happy to be of use to their Master.

2 - From the "s" side of the relationship they want to please their Master (Mistress), so they don't make excuses.  If there is an actual problem, they should be addressing it whatever protocol manner they have established for communicating (and I am fairly sure that this passive aggressive manner would be unacceptable in most situations)

3 - M/s (D/s) intimate relationships seem to actually accept that sex is an important part of a relationship. This excludes those relationships that are not intentionally non-sexual. I have never met a M/s couple - regardless of how long they have been together, regardless of how old they are - that doesn't have sex on a regular basis. I do accept that this is anecdotal evidence, but something to take note of.

It actually boils down to communication. To have a successful  M/s relationship honest clear communication is necessary. It seems as if theirs broke down a long time ago.

First Impressions

"You never get a second chance to make a first impression"

We hear this phase a lot.
Sometimes we apply it to situations like meeting potential employers or our significant others parents.

But as a sub anytime you go out in public you are a reflection of your master.

This means paying particular attention to being clean and presentable. Be sure to bathe, brush hair, brush teeth and wear clean clothes (preferably ones you didn't get off the floor). If it is just a trip to the store than jeans and t-shirts should be fine, if that is your style. This would be less appropriate if going to a nice dinner with or without your Dom/me

Women: take a few minutes to put on some make up and do your hair. It does not have to be anything fancy and intricate, but enough to show you put some effort into it.

Men: make sure you have trimmed your facial hair and removed any hair from undesirable places (ears, nose, etc).

Many subs may ask "Why is it important what anybody besides my Dom/me thinks?" It doesn't. But when your master thinks about you, He or She should feel pride when they think of you. They should not worry about what others think of you because time is not taken to be presentable.

One step beyond this is manners. What you say matters. How you say it matters. You are a reflection of your master and how you treat others is important. There is a great saying

“You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.”—Malcolm S. Forbes

Treat people in a way that brings pride and joy to your master.

First impressions can not be remade. Make sure that they would never embarrass your Master. 

Vacationing with Family

My Master and I are fairly new to living this lifestyle 24/7. That being said we have transitioned fairly comfortably to our rituals and expectations when we are at home. We have very few hiccups and know how things run.

Nothing challenges a status quo like a family vacation. I am not talking about Master and I going somewhere with just our children, I mean us going on vacation that is essentially a family reunion with his extended family. family. Did I mention we were camping for this 10 days to add to the ... chaos. 

Our first great long preponderance was whether I was going to wear my collar. There was just enough concern on our part whether it would be recognized for what it was, but without the understanding of what it truly meant.  He decided to leave it on, with the caviot if it became speculation we would remove it and figure out what I would wear. The good news is nobody remarked on it. 

What we didn't really discuss, and really should have, was how we were going to handle the interuption of rituals and such. At home it is easy. I call him Sir when the kids are awake (but not in their presence) and Master when they are asleep. I wear my leash from their bedtime to mine. I sit on the floor most of the time during TV/movie/game time (sometimes even when the kids are awake). I kneel at his feet in front of His bed in the morning and night and sometimes in the late afternoon. I get in the car after Him. I walk half a step behind him. I wait to eat till he starts. None of this is that unusual ... till it has a wrench thrown in it. 

There was never a time when we were really alone while we were awake, so titles went out the window. It was going to cause a lot of questions if I sat at his feet... especially since it rained 75% of the time we were there. Kneeling became difficult because lets face it.. our tent was not huge and it was on the ground. Made it uncomfortable for us both. And these are just some of the explanation. 

The reality is many of our rituals and protocols depended on some quiet alone time we were so used to. And while we were prepared for the one off situations, we were not prepared for an extended period of time for it to not be in place.

It was a good learning experience. Things to know how we can handle things differently. To make me feel more owned.

I am always curious how other couples/families who are in a D/s relationship handles such situations. 

Anniversary

Our marriage anniversary was this week. This is not quite what it was... but it is definitely on the list for future anniversaries...



We have been married for 6 years this week. I am blessed to have such a wonderful Master.

His birthday is also this week... I always get "neat" little items for him for gift giving occasions... I will be sure to tell you what I get him :)

Kids and D/s

I do not claim to be an expert at this, in fact I claim a lot of ignorance and have much to learn about this lifestyle.

What I do claim is that I am a good mother. Of all the things I have done in my life, being a good mother is one of the things I take pride in. 

Which brings me to how we live day to day with our kids in the house. I will admit, it would be easier if they were all under 2. I will admit I am lucky that the youngest one only has a year left in elementary school. However, with pre-teens and teens in the house they start to watch how their parents behave. 

Part of our contract does state that He will not exhibit overt dominance in front of the children.  He is very good about that, but that doesn't mean that they may not notice how I walk a step behind him. Or that I typically tack on "if you don't mind" to the end of many of my plans when they are there. Or that I don't sit and eat until He does. When they notice little nuances we pass many things off simple "respect" because much of it can be summed up as that. 

Or maybe it is all in my mind. I always assume that my kids notice things (which I have been shown time and time again is not always true). Who knows. I do know that I will always encourage my children to find their own path. So when they are actually old enough to understand why their parents act differently than their friends parents will we talk to them about it... maybe. However, like any other "lifestyle" there is out there, it is not for everybody. I don't think D/s relationships are the only way. Just like I don't think "vanilla" relationships are for everybody (I hate the term vanilla).  The only thing that is important to me at the end of the day they are happy and healthy.

Their parents in a strong committed relationship that works for them allows for a happy healthy environment for our children. 

Now... just how to answer the question my son posed last night... "why is there a lock on your necklace". 

~smiles~

The Journal

In choosing a life where you give submission to another communication is the key. Yes, you hear this over and over and over again. I am a big proponent of different venues of communication. However, here is the key to most traditional forms of communication in a dominant-submissive relations - it is subject to the contract, rules, and expectations of the D/s dynamic. This is where one very important window into the submissive's head and heart that is often looked over... her Journal.

Wait what? The Dom reads her journal? Absolutely.  

Anybody considering a relationship with Power Exchange should be keeping one, especially the submissive. This should be her safe place - to say to think whatever with NO repercussions. This is where she is writing about what is on her mind. There is no requirement for the Dom to change anything, but it helps him to understand better how his sub thinks.  Sometimes it will be obvious when something is wrong. She may be as blunt to say "I think my Dom is wrong" "My Dom upset me today" "I am unhappy with .... ". These are fantastic pieces of information for the Dom. Then sometimes it will be more subtle. What are the topics she is writing about, what is she not writing about, what is the tone of the writing and how is the journal changing. This can actually go both ways... showing she is completely happy and content or that something is going vastly wrong.

This points to the fact that she should be journaling regularly, in most cases everyday. She should be spending a few minutes to be sure this is done appropriately. It doesn't have to be long, just a check in. All Doms should make sure that they allow for this and the time to do it appropriately. Some days it will only take a couple minutes. Other days it might take an hour. Take the time it needs each day to write what needs to be written.

One of the most heard complaint about a sub journaling is that her Dom will read it. They feel like it is an invasion of privacy or feel like they don't trust them enough. While those seem like valid complaints and concerns, consider the life you are requesting with your Dom. You are giving him your complete submission (within the boundaries of your contract) with the expectation that he is going to take responsibility of you. If you don't trust him to know what you are are thinking and feeling, then how can he take care of you?

Doms need to know that despite whatever they read in their subs journal, this is their safe place. It can be easy to get angered or upset by what they read. But if they make the mistake of punishing their sub (in any way) for what is written, they will shut down that form of valuable communication. Doms should be sure not to abuse this gift from their sub.

Now for the fun part of journaling... it will allow you to look back over your journey... in 3 months, 6 months, 1 year, etc and see how it has changed. To see what you have learned about yourself, your Dom and your relationship.

Good Luck.... Don't forget to Journal

Pledge to My Sir

my Pledge to you is to try and obey you in life
i promise to do my best to be honest with You in all things to the best of my abilities
my goal will be to make you feel happy and loved above all else
i will endeavor to serve you in all ways and trust You act in my best interest
my actions will be to ensure Your comfort of mind and body
i will aspire to show my love for You by bringing honor and respect in all that i do

i love You, Sir