I am a mid-thirties wife.
We have been married for almost 6 years. We have kids from both of our previous marriages. 2 of the 3 children live in this household year round, the other we have during breaks and summer.
Choosing to be a submissive while in many ways seemed to be a naturally in line with much of my personality also seemed to clash with everything I was taught growing up and what society says women should be. It was an ongoing war with myself - making it hard to be happy with my life.
There had been many glimpses into the world of Dominants and submissives through out my life, but much of it seemed be heavy on the Sado-Masochism portion of BDSM. I have never been comfortable with heavy pain, blood, and humiliation so I shied away from looking too deep into it.
Like many I read the Fifty Shades series. The only thing impressive about that series is that it made the public look at not immediately shun the sub-culture of D/s... made part of it sexy. However, when I read, it made me think about many years ago when I first read The Story of O. It made me remember the craving I had for dominance in my life, but again the borderline "cruelty" in the book was something that was overwhelming to me. But here shed into another light... I decided to research actual D/s lifestyles.
My husband and I have always been open to a variety of things sexually. We had even played in the swinger lifestyle for awhile. We loved having sex with each other, we liked trying new things, but like many married couples, it was not always perfect. My husband has never been keen on the idea of inflicting pain for sexual purposes, sure he would smack my ass periodically, but always very hesitant to even entertain the idea of anything more.
With all this in mind, my Husband had to go out of town for about 10 days. I don't sleep well when he was gone so I decided to use much of this research what I thought would just end up to be unfulfilled desires. Now like many, I ran across a ton of sites. Most of them were hook up sites and matchmaking sites for kinky people. Now there is nothing wrong with these sites, there is just very little "real" information. I stumbled upon a site on my second night of looking of information. This site seemed very different - if you are interested in what site, please contact me and I will give you the information via email until I have permission to promote their site. There were tons of articles on the dynamics of living in are Dominant/submissive relationship. And all of the sudden... this was the light. I understood that this was the type of dynamic I wanted to live in.
Well... Sort of. There was the exception. I love being strong and in charge when I am "out in the world". When I am at work, when I am doing volunteer work, when I am working with other people. So again, here is my head fighting this fight. I ended up talking to a very wise wonderful sub about my concerns. I laid all my concerns about this warring stance and worried about whether I could handle it. Here answer was so very simple... and her answer is what made this all possible for me. Her answer was "Everything you do is to bring glory to your Master. So, of course, He is going to want to you to do well in other venues. He is going to want you to be the best. When you do well, you bring Him pride." Well, now I understood, my need for submission was just to my husband and it wasn't saying I couldn't be great in my career and other endeavors in my life. Basically in simplistic terms... it told me that I didn't have to be a doormat.
Okay. I have this all figured out, but there was one problem. I hadn't told my husband ANY of this. I sent him an email asking him to look into this. I asked him a couple key words and asked him to do some research, but not to answer me immediately. I had some silly hope that time would let it sink into his head. About 6 hours after I sent this email... I freaked out... and sent a second one saying "Nevermind". Of course, this tipped my hand to him how important that this was to me.
We spent the next couple days talking about what we think all of this means. What it would mean to us. What it would require and he said yes. However, he did decide that I would have to pledge myself to his keeping. (I have my pledge I made to him written out *here*).
Since then we have moved comfortable into a married D/s relationship. This is my story...
