Beautiful

I would love to meet somebody who has actually done this. It is fabulously beautiful!

Safewords

Safewords. This should be something all people in the BDSM community should be familiar with and know how to use appropriately. This is probably one of the most important pieces of this type of play and lifestyles.

Many people are used to the idea of "Red" and similar safewords, the ones that indicate "stop everything now". Many people are even someone what familiar with "Yellow" and similar words, but what does that mean exactly... and what should be done when it is called?

Yellow (for the purpose of this post we are going to use this, but feel free to put in your word of choice) typically is said to mean "slow down". Well this is so varying what exactly that means. There are even some tops and dominants that don't believe in this type of safeword. But there is a beauty to this for all involved.

Now, here comes the point of contention between my Master and I. He feels I should be happy and willing to use safe words. I, have come to feel that I should not use safewords.

Now I can see many people nodding, and some people gasping in horror at this concept. So let me step back and explain my point of view as well as that of my Masters, for I am sure this is usually backwards than when there is the disagreement.

My Master believes that if I am willing to say something when there is a problem, that he can relax and do anything he wants to me and know I will stop him if my body or mind cannot take anymore. He feels like I will take responsibility for taking care of myself in an intense situation.

Now my position. It is not for me to decide if my Master has gone too far. I will not stop him from doing anything he wants to me, despite it causing distress of any sort.

Now, if I was playing with another dominant or top, I would absolutely use safewords appropriately. It is not the aversion or the beliefs that they can't or shouldn't be used. I just think the necessity of using them often changes with the relationship.

Flirting.. BDSM style

This is all meant in humor...

One Of Favorite Positions

First Impressions

"You never get a second chance to make a first impression"

We hear this phase a lot.
Sometimes we apply it to situations like meeting potential employers or our significant others parents.

But as a sub anytime you go out in public you are a reflection of your master.

This means paying particular attention to being clean and presentable. Be sure to bathe, brush hair, brush teeth and wear clean clothes (preferably ones you didn't get off the floor). If it is just a trip to the store than jeans and t-shirts should be fine, if that is your style. This would be less appropriate if going to a nice dinner with or without your Dom/me

Women: take a few minutes to put on some make up and do your hair. It does not have to be anything fancy and intricate, but enough to show you put some effort into it.

Men: make sure you have trimmed your facial hair and removed any hair from undesirable places (ears, nose, etc).

Many subs may ask "Why is it important what anybody besides my Dom/me thinks?" It doesn't. But when your master thinks about you, He or She should feel pride when they think of you. They should not worry about what others think of you because time is not taken to be presentable.

One step beyond this is manners. What you say matters. How you say it matters. You are a reflection of your master and how you treat others is important. There is a great saying

“You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.”—Malcolm S. Forbes

Treat people in a way that brings pride and joy to your master.

First impressions can not be remade. Make sure that they would never embarrass your Master. 

Slave Bells

I so want slave bells like these!

Vacationing with Family

My Master and I are fairly new to living this lifestyle 24/7. That being said we have transitioned fairly comfortably to our rituals and expectations when we are at home. We have very few hiccups and know how things run.

Nothing challenges a status quo like a family vacation. I am not talking about Master and I going somewhere with just our children, I mean us going on vacation that is essentially a family reunion with his extended family. family. Did I mention we were camping for this 10 days to add to the ... chaos. 

Our first great long preponderance was whether I was going to wear my collar. There was just enough concern on our part whether it would be recognized for what it was, but without the understanding of what it truly meant.  He decided to leave it on, with the caviot if it became speculation we would remove it and figure out what I would wear. The good news is nobody remarked on it. 

What we didn't really discuss, and really should have, was how we were going to handle the interuption of rituals and such. At home it is easy. I call him Sir when the kids are awake (but not in their presence) and Master when they are asleep. I wear my leash from their bedtime to mine. I sit on the floor most of the time during TV/movie/game time (sometimes even when the kids are awake). I kneel at his feet in front of His bed in the morning and night and sometimes in the late afternoon. I get in the car after Him. I walk half a step behind him. I wait to eat till he starts. None of this is that unusual ... till it has a wrench thrown in it. 

There was never a time when we were really alone while we were awake, so titles went out the window. It was going to cause a lot of questions if I sat at his feet... especially since it rained 75% of the time we were there. Kneeling became difficult because lets face it.. our tent was not huge and it was on the ground. Made it uncomfortable for us both. And these are just some of the explanation. 

The reality is many of our rituals and protocols depended on some quiet alone time we were so used to. And while we were prepared for the one off situations, we were not prepared for an extended period of time for it to not be in place.

It was a good learning experience. Things to know how we can handle things differently. To make me feel more owned.

I am always curious how other couples/families who are in a D/s relationship handles such situations. 

Happy Birthday!

Today is my Master's birthday.



I love birthdays. I love the opportunity to celebrate milestones. Birthdays, anniversaries, even certain holidays are there to show we have made it that much longer. Sometimes life is awesome and passes very quickly. Sometimes things are not great and it is a testament to our will that we make it to that milestone.

Birthdays are unique in which we take a moment simply to celebrate that someone we love is alive. They are here... in this world... and we get a moment to celebrate that they are living near us.

So, today I get the opportunity to celebrate that my Master is part of my world. That makes me happy.

He joked with me this morning... "So who gets the birthday spankings..." My answer was simply - Whoever you want to.

I love you Master... <3 and Happy Birthday!

Anniversary

Our marriage anniversary was this week. This is not quite what it was... but it is definitely on the list for future anniversaries...



We have been married for 6 years this week. I am blessed to have such a wonderful Master.

His birthday is also this week... I always get "neat" little items for him for gift giving occasions... I will be sure to tell you what I get him :)

A Tuesday Treat

Collars

If you read long enough, you run into essays scolding how easy collars are put on and taken off. It is often referred to as a Velcro collar. If you keep reading you will read about how long it should take to get a collar and anything less is not taking it seriously. 

When talking about D/s or M/s relationships you inevitably run into the topic of collars.  For the purpose of this post, we are not talking about protection collars and such... just formal collars.


I read all of this and cry Bull Shit.

And here is why.

When I did my research on collars I likened it to an wedding ring. Whether there is or is not the same level of  commitment... some of that is just a sign of the times. However, as an over all statement, I don't think "time" is a indication of a level of commitment.

Master and I got engaged within 3 months of KNOWING each other and while we lived in different states.  Moved in together 3 months later. Got married almost a year and a half later (trust me it would have been sooner, we just had some outside issues that had to be resolved before we could). We will be celebrating our 6 year anniversary this month.

So the argument of there being a specific time has to be in place for a commitment doesn't fly for me.

And... what works for me may not work for you. Some people need that necessary time.

Having said all this, when Master and I entered into our D/s relationship, he did NOT present me with a collar the next day. Or the next week. Despite being married for 5 years, this was still another commitment. One that we were not taking for granted just because we were married. We decided years ago to get married based on one set of criteria. We were going to decide on a collar on another set.


Since then I have received my collar. I love my collar. He loves my collar. It is a commitment we both understand clearly. I wear my wedding ring understanding the commitment behind it and wear my collar understanding the commitment behind it. They are both very different and unique commitments we take very seriously.

Kids and D/s

I do not claim to be an expert at this, in fact I claim a lot of ignorance and have much to learn about this lifestyle.

What I do claim is that I am a good mother. Of all the things I have done in my life, being a good mother is one of the things I take pride in. 

Which brings me to how we live day to day with our kids in the house. I will admit, it would be easier if they were all under 2. I will admit I am lucky that the youngest one only has a year left in elementary school. However, with pre-teens and teens in the house they start to watch how their parents behave. 

Part of our contract does state that He will not exhibit overt dominance in front of the children.  He is very good about that, but that doesn't mean that they may not notice how I walk a step behind him. Or that I typically tack on "if you don't mind" to the end of many of my plans when they are there. Or that I don't sit and eat until He does. When they notice little nuances we pass many things off simple "respect" because much of it can be summed up as that. 

Or maybe it is all in my mind. I always assume that my kids notice things (which I have been shown time and time again is not always true). Who knows. I do know that I will always encourage my children to find their own path. So when they are actually old enough to understand why their parents act differently than their friends parents will we talk to them about it... maybe. However, like any other "lifestyle" there is out there, it is not for everybody. I don't think D/s relationships are the only way. Just like I don't think "vanilla" relationships are for everybody (I hate the term vanilla).  The only thing that is important to me at the end of the day they are happy and healthy.

Their parents in a strong committed relationship that works for them allows for a happy healthy environment for our children. 

Now... just how to answer the question my son posed last night... "why is there a lock on your necklace". 

~smiles~

Dominant vs Domineering

This is a re-blog from HusDom

Like most everything else in life, the basis for a good D/s-M relationship is a solid foundation.  If the foundation is inadequate the structure will eventually crumble.

The confident Dominant will be the pillar of strength in the D/s relationship.  A domineering man may be putting you at risk, both emotionally and physically.  The very nature of a D/s relationship enables domineering people to masquerade as Dominants.  Eventually their submissive will realize that they are not being fed by this person and will want out of the relationship all together.

“Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely.”  John Dalberg-Acton  1887

Due to the severe consequences of the misuse of power, both Dominants and submissives should yield caution to this topic.  A Dominant is empowered by his submissive.  This power that he reins can be like a drug to a domineering person and all the while, a great feeling of responsibility to a true Dominant.

A Dominant can be described in many ways, let us look at some important attributes that you could expect to find in a Dominant.  We will also explore some of the subtle but significant differences between a Dominant person and a domineering person.

A Dominant is a leader first and foremost.

A Dominant person is one who mentors others and leads through education and guidance.  Great leaders create an environment that will encourage others to grow and excel.  They are always building others up, not tearing them down.  A leader is confident and always in control of himself.  It is important that a leader maintains consistency in everything he does.  A leader should always have a plan or a purpose for his actions.  A great leader is someone that others want to follow, not someone that others have to follow.

A domineering person often exercises arbitrary and overbearing control over others.

This type of person likes to control people or situations for the sole purpose of being in control and will not tolerate any questioning of his authority.  A domineering person gets a rush from controlling other people.  They destroy the spirit of others.  This person may want you to do things that you are not comfortable doing and pressure you by saying that they know best and that they are only pushing your limits.  They may not respect their own rules, limits or contracts, again stating that they know best.  Some domineering people may also disregard a previously agreed to safe word or exclaim that no such mechanism is required.  There can never be enough said regarding a person that fails to respect a safe word or questions whether a safe word is necessary.

A Dominant person is always accountable.

A Dominant person gathers all available information and makes sound decisions.  Sometimes his decisions are in error or need to be adjusted.  The Dominant is responsible for his actions and will own his mistakes.

A domineering person never admits his mistakes.

This type of person seldom apologizes and does not take any personal responsibility for their actions.  If they do apologize it is usually condescending and insincere in nature.  They will blame their mistakes on others and usually start an argument with the other person to avoid conversation.  They often blame the submissive by telling them that they are not good enough or not a true submissive.

A Dominant person puts his submissive’s needs ahead of his own.

A Dominant knows that he must first nourish or feed his submissive’s mind, body and soul before feeding himself.  A happy healthy submissive is nourishment enough for a Dominant.  He is not fed by physical pleasure for himself but rather by the pleasure that he brings his submissive.  After all of his submissive’s needs have been met, and only after, the Dominant can consider his own needs.

A domineering person is a selfish person.

This type of person tends to always be asking, “What is in it for me?”  They tend to be self-serving and are not concerned about what is in the best interest of their submissive but rather what satisfaction they can receive from their own actions.  This type of person will put his feelings and needs above that of his submissive’s.  This will leave the emotional and physical needs of the submissive unmet.

A Dominant person communicates effectively.

A good communicator is clear and concise and realizes that communication is a skill of more than just spoken words.  Communication consists of many different facets including words, tone, inference, body language and physical situation.  A Dominant would never speak down to his submissive, he cherishes her.  It is important that the Dominant can create an environment in which his submissive can feel heard and understood.  This is an often overlooked but highly important key to effective communication.  When asked about effective communication most people only think of how they can effectively communicate their point of view, when in fact, to truly communicate you need to actively listen.  Remember, there is no communication happening when one person is yelling.

A domineering person fails to properly communicate.

This type of person seldom solicits input or listens to suggestions from others, especially from their submissive.  They also fail to explain themselves or their point of view.  They will often become angry or agitated when asked about their decisions.  A domineering person is always threatening to get his way sometimes even threatening to withdraw all together and usually telling his submissive that it is their fault.

A great Dominant is not only a magnificent leader but also a true gentleman.  He would display impeccable manners, manners from another era.  Not just please and thank you but more refined manners such as opening doors, rising from the table to great someone or rising from the table when a lady excuses herself and later returns, or simply pulling a chair out for a lady.  A gentleman would also possess concern and empathy toward others.

A Dominant takes pride in himself, from his appearance to his actions.  A well dressed and well groomed man conveys confidence and maturity.

Mr Fox

A Beautiful Sight...

Leashes

When my Master first asked me to write out some things I wanted, didn't want and didn't know... I didn't write a lot. (It took really researching and finding lists of fetishes, activities and behaviors to come up with a much more comprehensive list). However, one of the items I said is that I didn't want to be leashed.


I imagined that to be leashed, it had to be around the neck. While I will say that if he chose to leash me this way it is not a hard limit, it is something I would prefer we not engage in.

Several weeks ago we bought a new simple restraint system that after we got it out of the box we realized... was never going to work for anything. However, he slipped the wrist restraint over my hand and left it there. Then there was a light in his eyes. I immediately grew warm. He got up and pulled on the strap and lead me... with it. I was enthralled.

Since then it is our nightly ritual. We put the kids to bed and get out my leash. He slips it over my wrist as I kneel at his feet. It stays until we go to bed. I have found that I feel safer when he leashes me.

Why do I explain all this? Because there are no hard fast rules for how to engage in a specific activity. If something doesn't work for you in the traditional method, then by all means, alter it so that it does work for you.

**The picture is of an actual product sold on rebubble.com. I do actually like the sign!

Submission... What Is It?

dictionary.com has the definition as:

2

: the condition of being submissive, humble, or compliant

3

: an act of submitting to the authority or control of another

When giving the gift of submission to another person, that takes on another meaning all together. Anybody can say they are submissive and obey the orders of a Dom(mes). However, for true submission, it has to begin in their heart. The desire to do what is desired of them. Not just going through the motions, but following rules and direction because it pleases their Dom.

It is not enough to follow what is told to you. It is that desire to follow them for the pleasure of the Dominant.  

A very simplistic example is that many people have the task to make the evening meal. This is not just in D/s relationships, but in everyday relationships - kink or no kink. For many it is just a task that has to get done, and they are the one that chose/are in the position to do it. For those who have this a task of their submission, it is something that is often done with a light heart and a smile because they are bringing comfort and pride to their Master. 

Yes, yes, I know... D/s is not all about what kind of household chores can your Dom(mes) make you do. But to truly break down true submission, you need to see the picture for what it is. It is giving up your will for the will of another with joy in your heart. Their happiness, their pleasure then becomes your own when you truly immerse yourself in that submission. 

Most D/s relationships have some sort of protocol. Some have kneeling, some call their Dom(mes) Sir, Ma'am, Master or Mistress. Some kiss the ground or their Dom(mes) feet when they get home... but some protocols are much more subtle, but just as powerful. While they may sit at the same time as their family, they won't take a bite till their Master takes a bite. They may let them pick out their everyday (non-kink) clothes. 


If simply following directions was all that is need for a good submissive, then none of the above would be needed. These types of displays show that their heart and not just their mind are submissive. 

Like anything else worth having... giving your total submission is not easy. It takes work and constant maintenance. It is a labor of love - but the rewards are so satisfying. It is not a gift to give lightly, and not to just anybody, but when it is done with the right person, there is no doubt that submission is it own treasure

The Best Submissives . . .

The Journal

In choosing a life where you give submission to another communication is the key. Yes, you hear this over and over and over again. I am a big proponent of different venues of communication. However, here is the key to most traditional forms of communication in a dominant-submissive relations - it is subject to the contract, rules, and expectations of the D/s dynamic. This is where one very important window into the submissive's head and heart that is often looked over... her Journal.

Wait what? The Dom reads her journal? Absolutely.  

Anybody considering a relationship with Power Exchange should be keeping one, especially the submissive. This should be her safe place - to say to think whatever with NO repercussions. This is where she is writing about what is on her mind. There is no requirement for the Dom to change anything, but it helps him to understand better how his sub thinks.  Sometimes it will be obvious when something is wrong. She may be as blunt to say "I think my Dom is wrong" "My Dom upset me today" "I am unhappy with .... ". These are fantastic pieces of information for the Dom. Then sometimes it will be more subtle. What are the topics she is writing about, what is she not writing about, what is the tone of the writing and how is the journal changing. This can actually go both ways... showing she is completely happy and content or that something is going vastly wrong.

This points to the fact that she should be journaling regularly, in most cases everyday. She should be spending a few minutes to be sure this is done appropriately. It doesn't have to be long, just a check in. All Doms should make sure that they allow for this and the time to do it appropriately. Some days it will only take a couple minutes. Other days it might take an hour. Take the time it needs each day to write what needs to be written.

One of the most heard complaint about a sub journaling is that her Dom will read it. They feel like it is an invasion of privacy or feel like they don't trust them enough. While those seem like valid complaints and concerns, consider the life you are requesting with your Dom. You are giving him your complete submission (within the boundaries of your contract) with the expectation that he is going to take responsibility of you. If you don't trust him to know what you are are thinking and feeling, then how can he take care of you?

Doms need to know that despite whatever they read in their subs journal, this is their safe place. It can be easy to get angered or upset by what they read. But if they make the mistake of punishing their sub (in any way) for what is written, they will shut down that form of valuable communication. Doms should be sure not to abuse this gift from their sub.

Now for the fun part of journaling... it will allow you to look back over your journey... in 3 months, 6 months, 1 year, etc and see how it has changed. To see what you have learned about yourself, your Dom and your relationship.

Good Luck.... Don't forget to Journal

Pledge to My Sir

my Pledge to you is to try and obey you in life
i promise to do my best to be honest with You in all things to the best of my abilities
my goal will be to make you feel happy and loved above all else
i will endeavor to serve you in all ways and trust You act in my best interest
my actions will be to ensure Your comfort of mind and body
i will aspire to show my love for You by bringing honor and respect in all that i do

i love You, Sir